We did a rewording exercise a while ago in class. I know, exciting nu?
(Hearing Prof's voice in my head: "More Pinoy! I want it more Pinoy this time!")
This is what I chose. If you've read this already, then hop and go watch Chan.72. Enjoy!
How sitcom dads make all men look bad
I was watching a DVD of the third season of Malcolm in the Middle and in one episode, Malcolm's father dreads visiting his own family so much that he wets the bed. Dominated by both wife and children, the affable wuss has finally plucked up the courage to confront his own unapproachable father and demand that they have the first serious conversation of their lives. At this point, his father suggests that they consult "Mister Tickle" and begins working his fingers around his 40-something son's rib cage, until the "kid" collapses in paroxysms of laughter. The bed-wetting scene follows shortly thereafter.
Any man who identifies with this guy's plight is probably not going to enjoy reading this. Not today, not in the coming months, not ever. Fussbudgets, nerds, and men resembling Adam Sandler in Anger Management should look for their laughs elsewhere. This is aimed at boys who enjoy being boys, who do not apologize for being boys, and who are in full control of their urinary tracts. It is not aimed at Neanderthals, survivalists, or bullies. But it is certainly not aimed at guys who wear sun hats, carry walking sticks, and rent Meg Ryan movies to keep peace in the family. Men who have been domesticated, defanged, pacified, or gelded should read somebody else's work in some other class.
And that starts with the guys who write Malcolm in the Middle. Why do I make such a big deal of it? Because popular culture surreptitiously frames values and popularizes repugnant stereotypes. Gangsta rap fosters negative views of young black men, Christina Aguilera's videos present the slut as a positive female role model, and Malcolm in the Middle depicts fathers as castrated dinks who are emotionally unequipped for adult life. If Malcolm were the only enormously popular television program to do so, this incident would hardly be worth mentioning. Yet it is not the only one. It isn't the only enormously popular television program to depict fathers as castrated dinks in sitcoms available in Starworld, available for download or available in Metrowalk.
That same night I watched the knucklehead father in King of the Hill get forced to ride bitch by his overbearing wife as they motored out of the annual biker rally in Sturgis, South Dakota. Take that, Lorena Bobbitt! Meanwhile, Homer Simpson was making a fool of himself at rock 'n' roll fantasy camp, much to the amusement of his family. And over on The King of Queens, Jerry Stiller, playing a revolting father-in-law, was reviving his addiction to nasal sprays while his son-in-law was in therapy, dealing with his porcine eating habits. In each of these cases, the matriarchal figures came off as being strong, resourceful, and intelligent, while the fathers were pathetic schmos. The fact that most TV programs are written by young men suggests that a lot of TV writers have serious emotional issues. Or they have serious schmucks for fathers.
Let me make it clear right up front that I do not expect television to perfectly reflect society. I recognize that television, for purposes of entertainment, regularly showcases characters that are crude parodies of real human beings: the hideous monsters on Buffy, the venomous psychopaths on Arrested Development, Paris Hilton and Jessica Simpson.
Look at virtually any sitcom, drama, or animated feature on television today and you will find a dope, a dork, or a doofus vainly trying to run the family. On That '70s Show, Kurtwood Smith plays a brain-dead couch potato and all-purpose prick who takes every opportunity to make his son feel like an idiot. And on Everybody Loves Raymond, Ray Romano plays a slightly out-of-touch, ferociously passive father whose popularity is largely based on the fact that he does not seem terribly bright. Meanwhile, his father has spent 70 years on the planet without learning anything useful he can pass on to his son.
It is true that the useless, disoriented, or cretinous father has long been a fixture of prime-time television. But these failed fathers were not all on the airwaves at exactly the same moment. Today, whenever you turn on the television, some lard-ass numbskull is trying to extricate himself from some ridiculous predicament while his bright, unexpectedly gorgeous spouse looks on. Strongly suggesting that the only way to land a smart, beautiful wife is to be a fat, dopey loser. I thought the catchphrase was good in bed, not food in bed. And that was a very corny joke, yes.
In saying all this, I do not wish to create the impression that I pine for the days of yesteryear, when dreary, pious programs like The Brady Bunch disseminated their cornball homilies to an unsuspecting public. But what I do wish is that perhaps the solons who run the industry might adopt a gender-balancing policy stipulating that if every program has to portray the father as a ding-dong, the show should also depict the mother as a slut. Fair is fair.
Are there any prominent series that do not feature the father as fuck-up? Probably 7th Heaven, but I'd rather watch Oprah while the Taliban went to work on the crown jewels with electric prods than look at that creepy show.
